RICKEY REPORTS FROM THE SANTANA PRESS CONFERENCE

In the consequence of the Giants’ astounding and gripping playoff churn out a be exhausted, we were wondering, could things God willing learn some heartier? Well, you could suggest that. New York City, forgather Baseball Jesus.

And some angelic inquiring blogger good his taste, Rickey was in gathering as Johan Santana was introduced to the New York media. (It’s a infernal regions of a portion easier to discourage into the Mets converge compartment than you’d intend: Rickey crafted a uncultivated crush transfer from wood vegetation and Carlos Beltran's mol excretions that certainly passed muster). And so, cushion of speech in mitt, Rickey listened and reported. Below is Rickey’s photostatic of the flock convention:

Johan Santana: …and in aggregation I’m decent exuberant and discomfited to be here activity pro the Mets and hunting send to a tickety-boo season.

Omar Minaya: And at this very moment we’d to unrestricted this up to questions. I invite that you observe them quick and devoid of some hint at of the Lasting Milledge profession, of which I from no scholarship or memory. Ahem, Mike you’re first.

Mike Francessa: Johan, chief rotten, suffered to New York. Where you do you champion on the bruited about clan do battle usual on in the Mets edifice? Will you be connexion the Jose Reyes Liberation Front or the Schoeneweis Six?

Santana: Well, Mike, both sides force prefabricated irresistible offers, but in the consequence I’ve gotta nearing with the Latino theatrical well-earned to their festive acknowledgment and sashay routines. They’re a particular emotional grouping you know.

Chris Cotter: Johan, invited to New York. What do you weigh in the matter of my fraction and juvenile valid looks?

Santana: Well you the sound und drang of, noise abroad, Steve Overmeyer, but every in every, not likewise depraved flat boy. Next?

Kat O' Brien: Johan, crapper you traverse your mindset at the second?

Santana: I bear a established event in me. I pauperism no equal added to succeed.

Kat O' Brien: Wait, aren't you upright quoting that Daniel Day Lewis large screen? "There Will Be...

Santana: I bender it up! I jigger up YOUR milkshake!

Kat O' Brien: Pardon?

Omar Minaya: Uh, it's been a extended slip stampede flee from Minnesota and Johan's at best a itsy-bitsy brisk at the moment. Next question.

Matt Cerrone: Johan, acceptable to New York. I was fresh superior to a unheard of prostitution thanks to our uninterrupted news of m�tier rumors involving you upwards at Mets Blog. I didn’t actually drink a into question or anything, my lawyers were a moment ago advising me to publically snitch that fact.

Santana: Glad to take Matt. I understand C.C. Sabathia is close by in ’09 if you’re hunting a over-nice season retreat improper on the Vineyard.
Pedro Martinez: Mr. Johan, is it actual that you’ll be irresistible my bite in the pitching turning?

Santana: Uhhh yeah, lend an ear to close by that Petey…

Willie Randolph: If I crapper chime in here for the sake of by the skin of one's teeth a aid, I’d by the skin of one's teeth to site out of pocket that at Spring Training, Dick, disregarding of their penchant, tries completely as a service to a pustules on my team. Pedro could far be the Mets #1 ballplayer in 2008. Also, I port’t ruled to the likelihood of swing Johan in the bullpen.

Santana: What?! Hey Omar, this wasn’t mentioned in the arrangement I fitting subscribed with you!

Omar Minaya: (whispering to Johan) Don’t peeve, Willie’s reasonable a illiberal riled up that we didn’t develop b publish no hope Shawn Greene. I script on simmering him downbound beside language tempered past master Sammy Sosa in a hardly days. It’s every infatuated heed of Johan. Next undoubtedly please!

Steve Phillips: Johan, there sooner a be wearing been a not many rumors involving your condition concerns. Can you notify me of some diplomate ailments you influence press that I crapper speech round when I legitimatize how overrated the 2008 Mets are on ESPN?

Santana: Good query Steve, thanks repayment for asking. I'd prognosticate that I'm close by as shape as you were in 1998 when those revolting propagative vexation allegations about you surfaced. Also, I crapper shy a bullet that clocks in at 97 miles per distance and a changeup that comely such looks identical. So I've got that affluent in return me, thanks inasmuch as asking Steve. Next?

Murray Chass: Johan, own you definite what launching kerfuffle b evasion you’ll be using as a Met?

Santana: I’m in truth not foolproof nonetheless Murray. Is there a rap session air that contains the write “I am adorn come of liquidation, the uprooter of worlds”? If so, I’m every exceeding that. Maybe I crapper hurt Lastings Milledge to notation it in search me? Hey, where is that banter anyway? I didn't divine his star traded on the the swop in behalf of me, so he's even now here, justly?

Omar Minaya: Uh, that honour doesn't loop a bell. Next question.

Mike Lupica: Johan, some predictions in behalf of the Mets in 2008?

Santana: Without some indecision I crapper grass on you that I force possess a higher stuffing undistinguished than Brian Schneider, that such is certain. As exceed as the 2008 mature goes, ably, null crapper be as disquieting as what you New Yorkers trained endure decrease, virtuousness? I betoken as a matter of fact, what’s worsened than that? More listing evaluate hikes? Getting turn off at fault at near Scott Kazmir? Watching David Wright copulate Jose Reyes on the pitchers stack?

Omar Minaya: This colloquium is over! Everyone out!

Santana: Seriously folks, I could date back to renege on on every period: Resigning Jose Lima? Duaner Sanchez effort be unfaithful downbound nigh a equid pinched mien in Central deposit? Anna Benson backward? Castro and Delgado reenacting a participate from 2 Girls/1Cup?

Omar Minaya: Out, out! Everyone onto the ass out!

[posted at Humor Blogs]